Post★Boy

What is it with parents? Your kids are rolling around on the filthy sidewalk while you play with your fucking Treo 650!

Seriously lady, your kid just stomped on my foot. They are just kids, but I am gonna punch you in the back of your head. Why do people with children feel like the rest of us are supposed to tolerate their offspring bumping into us, invading our personal space and even worse — staining our clothes?

Park Slope has too many kids and I like kids so that is saying a lot.

They decided to play the hottest holiday movie in a tiny ass theater as well, so even though we got a good seat, i.e. least amount of kids kicking my seat, still I was subject to the most insane amount of human selfishness I have yet to witness.

I get seats nearest the aisle which generally works out for me unless a woman of 300 pounds decides that the seats inside my row look like a good bet. It wasn’t enough that she smashed an ass cheek larger than my waist across my mid-section, she had to crush my fucking feet as well. Did she apologize?

Be serious. Of course not. Fuck the world, she loves donuts more.

The woman in the row behind me has bags in the seat next to her and in front of her (to my left). When I ask her about the bag she tells me.

“The aisles don’t have enough room for bags.”

Are you kidding me? Where do these crazy old women come from? You know the ones that think the rest of the world is supposed to suffer their bat shit loco behavior like their family has to. Now, before you think I am hating on old folk and kids, let me finish.

A seat in the row ahead of me is broken, so the ushers try to relocate people and ask Bag Lady if anyone is sitting in the seats occupied by her bags. She lies and says she is waiting for someone… because other people are not as important as her fucking bags. Pretending to be nice, she finally trades places to the seat next to me, but wait — there is more.

She plunks her arm down on the back of the seat in front of her and leans in to enjoy the show. Too bad the woman sitting in that seat wasn’t very pleased with the abrupt recline. Bag Lady assured her that it was because she could not see the film to which the woman insisted she didn’t give a fuck. This didn’t phase Bag Lady, but thankfully she left 20 minutes into the show.

Overall, the pacing of the movie was rushed and as a film, didn’t get across the important parts of the story. They simply assumed we all read the books.

To top it all off, at the end of Goblet of Fire, some prick kid yells out the ending of the 6th book. He is really lucky I finished it because I honestly would have beat his chubby ass into a coma.